Alcoholics Unanimous

I have had a lot of shit go on in the last few months and by God I am getting drunk. Yay for self-medication and escapism. Hooray Bacardi!
Honestly, my life is turned upside down right now, and I am not sure where I will be even 3 months from now. Funny how that doesn't bother me. I love the uncertainty of the future; I guess I am not cut out to be a partner. Being married is not what I expected, nor is it what I think I really want right now. My husband is a good man, and he is really a wonderful person.
Why do I yearn for something more? I want understanding and a soul mate who loves what I love, and yet he is the epitome of what should be true and good in a partner. The clashing of the two sides is killing me.
I had a dream last night where I was literally sown to the ground with rope, kind of like a sail is tied to a jib or something. I was trapped, bound to the earth by something that I could not escape. My dreams are a bounty of euphemisms lately.
Fuck it, I am tired of being disappointed in life, it is time to go for the great things... and a certain person knows what I am talking about...