Life as a Black Hole

There is sometimes a point in your life where you wonder, "Why is this happening?" I am at one of those points now. Why do certain people cross each others' paths and to what end? How do we know when there is something unique and great and lasting from something unique and great and short-lived? I don't pretend to understand why certain things happen in one's life, I only know that things happen for a reason. At least, that is the best way to learn from what comes your way in life. I don't really believe in fate, because I just can't see us as puppets acting out some grand design. It doesn't sit well.
I do believe in God, though I don't think the Bible should be taken literally, nor do I believe that organized religion has pure ulterior motives.
Back off my soapbox, something special that enters your life, regardless of its nice, neat place that it might fit in, in your existence or its lack thereof, should be embraced and cherished.
I always make a point to complicate the hell out of every conflicting thought that enters my head, when it could be much simpler...be around what matters to you and what you enjoy.
Be true to yourself and your values, and be honest to yourself and to other people
I think I could have held back certain sentiments and distanced myself from a conflicting situation in my life now, but I can not help but be honest. It's what I would hope for in return. Screw what is "appropriate". Fuck "the man".
I just hope I am not a bad person for being myself here, because I enjoy being around this person SO MUCH, it has to be fucked up. Yet, why would that be?
If I am, then I guess I will get sucked into the vortex of the netherworld one day. Of course, no drama there at all, nor any sexual connotation whatsoever....
Booo Christy not going to bed sooner..

FearofCommitment.com

(sigh) My heart is beating faster for someone other that it should right now. What does this mean? I always thought life would just play out according to some grand plan, where we would make our future, but the choices would be at least somewhat clear to us as far as what would be the best for us. What might be the best isn't exactly the same as what feels the greatest, damn it.
I married my best friend, and I love him dearly, yet I am unsatisfied. I wonder if it is just because I have always been flighty and left whoever I was dating for something "more" in my past, or if it is truly an innate thing that is wrong with my marriage.... maybe it is just me...as a truly independent spirit, I am a poor team player and partner. It sucks to think I am that bad for someone else.
I am tired and will turn in now, but damn it, I am even more tired of being the one to say "I want something more" while it hurts somebody I care about...Aaaarghhhh...

What Gives?

OK. So this year has been one of the most interesting years of my life and it's only March 29th. I have already drank more than I did by last summer, and i have been blessed by God or something by what I have gotten away with. Just last night, after chillin in a honky-tonk good-ol-boy bar in Hillsborough, NC I drove to my own place of work, The Down Under Pub. My bar is great because you dont have to have a personality, a job, or be a hottie to be welcomed into open arms. Its an eclectic mix of random people of all ages, who drink like fishes and usually somebody gets naked by 1:30am.
After hanging out with a few peeps there, I was given 2 shots of something that was navy blue and in a big shot glass. Of course, if you put it in my hand, I am probably going to drink it. If its free, that is. I leave to drive home, thinking that maybe I can get there before it hits me. God sometimes I do stupid stupid things, because it is always easy to convince myself that I am right. Because at least 90% of the time I am.
So I am speeding a bit down Highway 98 like always, and I am kind of jammin out to The All-American Rejects because it is just feel-good, go-for-the-moment music. I kind of zone out, looking out the window, as there is no traffic on the road at all, when I look foreward again, and I am running right up on this big-ass Suburban. I mean, I have to almost slam on the breaks to avoid the crash that would inevitably lead to a DUI, worse insurance rates than I have now, if that is possible, and an angry, potentially-strung out stranger in the ghetto neighborhood I was driving through.
Needless to say, I almost couldn't sleep because I felt like I almost really screwed up. Christy does not always make the best decisions, especially when she is struggling with the fact that half her childhood friends have chilluns running around the house and they look tired all the time and wrung out. I don't want that any time soon. Of course if one goes around driving after drinking shots, one might never do any of the more fun, exciting shit one wants to do in life. Duh.