4am and restless

As simply as I would like life to be right now, there are a few things that are just fucking complicating. I am deciding where I want to teach art next year, and a few really good options are becoming apparent to me. Several are located in the western part of the state, in Boone at Appalachain, and at Lees-Macrae, and in Cherokee....as well as other places in the mountains. The dean of the art school recommended that I look at the mountains because of the heavy concentration on the arts there, in NC. This excites me because I love the mountains, and have wanted to go there for a long time; living there would be awesome!
This is what makes me happy....to plan where I will make my life next.

Complications...but more than just that, a great friend always.
I am stuck on some feelings that I have that I can't control...and they rest behind the surface of my mind, manifesting in a smile and a faster heartbeat most nights at work, around 11.
What to do but enjoy a wonderful friendship, and I am fine with that. But in the depths of the night, I want something more, and know it is not okay to go for it. Either because of my current situation at "home", or because the friend doesn't want that at all. I respect the hell out of him and whatever is there, is cool with me. I am a grown woman, who loves whatever is good in her life, but damn if I can't stop wanting more than can I can have.
A connection that makes me like myself more, and feel utterly comfy with whatever is happening or nothing at all, this is fairly priceless. I truly like this person just the way he is... and care deeply.

This "semi-charmed life" is like my ninth grade science class taught me...
There is so much more potential energy than kinetic energy right now.
At rest and paused, but unmoving and restless...
Cheers to being happy, whatever that means.